Harder to Breath
by Jaded Redemption
Summary: Stephanie makes one mistake too many, and now she prays for the chance to make it right. [Complete]


Harder to Breath

Written by: Skyyler Kaori

-oOsSsOo-

(How dare you say that my behavior's unacceptable  
So condescending unnecessarily critical  
I have the tendency of getting very physical  
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle)

Stephanie sucked in a deep breath when her back hit the wall behind her. She glanced up at the frighteningly gorgeous man in front of her and pressed herself harder against the rough bricks behind her. He simply stepped closer, until their bodies were only a breath apart. She could feel the heat that radiated off of him, and it was a struggle not to lean into him. "What are you doing?" She could barely hear herself over the rain that poured down around them, the chilly water soaking their fancy clothing through.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He replied, bringing his hands up to lay flat against the wall near her shoulders, effectively boxing her in. He leaned closer, trapping her with his body.

"Damnit Ranger, I told you already that-"

"My behavior is unacceptable. Why?" Leaning down he pressed a hot kiss against her bare shoulder before trailing his lips up to whisper in her ear. "Does it bother you that much?"

His voice was low, sexy, and when his warm breath tickled across her neck she couldn't suppress a shiver. He chuckled low in his throat and she swallowed hard. "Yes it bothers me that much. Stop. No more of these stolen kisses in alleyways, no more of these stupid games between us. I don't want you to play me like Joe did! Just stop!"

As if a switch had been flipped he stepped back, his face a blank mask once more. He shook his head and snorted derisively. "Fine. I'll stop." The words sounded final, as if they signaled the end of something that had never really began in the first place. "Let's go."

(You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here  
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear  
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone  
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I am walking on)

The air in the car was thick with the moisture that practically sizzled off of their bodies. The heater vents blasted hot air at them, and the sound of the engine purring was almost hypnotic. Stephanie scowled and ran a damn hand through her tangled curls, her fingers snagging only a couple of inches down. With a sigh she let her hands flop into her lap, folding them over each other. She shivered.

"Cold?" His voice was carefully neutral.

She flicked her eyes in Ranger's direction and nodded. "Yeah."

He removed one hand from the steering wheel and reached into the back seat. Drawing out a thick black sweatshirt he pushed in Stephanie's direction.

"Thanks." She smiled at him gratefully, but was rewarded with nothing. With a soft sigh she pulled the offered sweatshirt over her sodden green dress, snuggling into its warmth. It was way too big on her, but that just made it all the more comfortable. She nearly jumped out of her seat when Ranger spoke.

"You don't get it, do you Stephanie?" His usually smooth features where creased in irritation and a muscle in his jaw ticked.

She blinked at him for a moment, unsure of how to respond to such an out of the blue question. "What are you talking about?"

His dark eyes flicked to her briefly before going back to the road. "It figures."

Lifting her head she stared at him openly, trying to find some clue as to what he was talking about. They sat that way until they pulled up into the parking lot of her apartment building. She opened her mouth to say something but snapped it shut again when he shook his head once, the movement jerky and angry.

"Go home Stephanie."

"But…"

"Go."

"Ranger, what's-"

"I'm done playing games with you. You're so fuckin' wrapped up in yourself you can't see. For three years you've screwed with me, and I'm done. Get. Out."

"What do you mean I've screwed with you? Ranger what are you talking about?"

"Leave." That single world held so much raw emotion that it was nearly tangible.

He hadn't turned to look at her even once and now Stephanie felt numb. Like her nerves had just ceased to function all at once. The thing that hurt the worst was how true the statement was. With cold fingers she reached out to grip the handle, sliding from the sauna-like interior of the BMW and closing the door behind her. She stood in the rain as she watched him pull out of her lot, continuing to watch until the red glow of the taillights disappeared around the corner. Then she turned and mechanically made her way to her apartment.

(What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head  
You should know better you never listened to what I've said  
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat  
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did)

The rain continued to drill into the pavement outside her apartment, the frigid autumn weather leaving a cold chill in her bones. Pale silver rays of moonlight filtered in through the water that washed across her windows, causing the shadows on the wall to dance and come to life around her. Her unruly chestnut curls clung to her wet face and dripped little droplets of water on her carpet when she moved. And her saturated dress and sweatshirt clung to her like a clammy, wrinkled second skin. She shivered violently. Shuffling to her room she quickly peeled the black sweatshirt over her head, stopping just short of throwing it on the floor. Instead she hugged it to her chest and let herself sink to her knees, her head bowed in the dark silence of her apartment. She'd finally done it. She'd finally fucked up for good. She sniffled softly, painful tears clouding her usually bright blue eyes. She choked on a broken sob as the hot tears finally spilled over, burning her frozen cheeks as they streamed over the gentle contours of her face. He was right, and she knew it. They'd fallen into some kind of pattern over the years. A pattern of stolen kisses and steamy caresses, but then she'd jump back, push him away again. "But every time he came to help me when I needed him," she muttered under her breath, her voice thick in the darkness. He'd been there for her through everything, and she'd returned his kindness with nothing. Her fickle heart was too afraid to get too close to anyone, and now she'd hurt the one person that had stood by her when nobody else had.

Quickly stripping off the rest of her clothing Stephanie crawled into her bed, burying herself in her blankets and crying herself to sleep.

-oOo-

Stephanie started awake, her naked body covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and glanced over at her alarm clock. It had only been a little over an hour since she had fallen asleep. Groping blindly along the top of her dresser she finally found the scrunchie she'd been looking for. She lassoed her hair into a messy ponytail before pulling her covers up to her chin and stared blankly at the wall in front of her. Again the tears came, spilling unchecked down her cheeks once more. "I'm so fucking stupid."

(Does it kill  
Does it burn  
Is it painful to learn  
That it's me that has all the control)

(Does it thrill  
Does it sting  
When you feel what I bring  
And you wish that you had me to hold)

Her heart hurt more then she'd imagined possible and the knowledge that it was all her own damn fault made it that much worse. She'd known, deep down inside, that she needed him to be able to survive, but she'd never been able to admit it. And now it was too late. She brought a shaking hand up to massage the space over her heart and cried harder, silent sobs wracking her body almost painfully. "I know I've never been very good at going to church and all that," she murmured softly, tilting her head back to look up at her ceiling, "but maybe you could find it in your heart to help me out just this once. I screwed up bad this time, but I guess you already know that." She took a deep breath and scrubbed her knuckles across her eyes. "If I could get just one more chance God, I would make things right. I guess I never realized how much I was hurting him. He was right, I've been too wrapped up in myself and my own problems." She paused, swallowing thickly. "But I need him you know?" Chuckling dryly she let her eyes slip shut, her head still tilted back to lean against her headboard, the tears still streaking silently down her cheeks. "I just wish I could make it right."

(When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love  
You'll understand what I mean when I say  
There's no way we're gonna give up  
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams  
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe  
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe  
Is there anyone out there cause its getting harder and harder to breathe)

Only silence greeted her silent confession and something in her seemed to shatter. Her breath caught in her throat for a moment before she let it out in an agonized sob. She'd fucked up bad, but there had to be a way to fix it, and she'd find it. She'd find it if it killed her. "Please God, just help me with this one thing." More silence, before…

"Babe."

Stephanie's eyes snapped open and she quickly sat up to face him. Oh God, please don't let me screw up again. "Ranger…"

L'estremità

-oOsSsOo-

1,678 Words

August 23rd, 2005 3:08am

Author's Note: -Paints a bulls-eye on her shirt- Just go ahead and shoot me for writing this. I was listening to Maroon 5 and this idea just hit me upside the head like a sack of bricks. Sorry if it sucks, but it was just begging to be written. Let me know what you all think anyway. Good, bad, think it should implode? Remember, neglect is a crime, don't wrong your review button.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Steph and Ranger belong to the talented JE and the song 'Harder to Breath' belongs to Maroon 5.


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